You may or may not have noticed that in my last two posts I have referred to him as “my husband” not my ex husband. We are separated and not divorced so I am not sure what to call him at this point. I have mentioned that in several of my counseling sessions. When I mentioned in my last session that I wasn’t sure what to call him, my counselor asked if there was any chance off reconciliation. The answer to that question is NO. She then pointed out that he is now my ex husband but my reluctance to call him that shows that I may not have yet accepted that. She might be on to something. After all, why would I be in counseling to deal with my grief over the loss of my marriage if I had completely come to terms with it?
It’s hard. Those words don’t want to come out of my mouth. I never imagined that I would ever have an ex husband. I never imagined that I would be a single mom. I never imagined that divorce would be in my future. But it is. And not facing it is not going to change it. I have to accept it.
It took me months to take off my wedding rings. In order to do that I replaced them with a ring that has my kids’ birthstones in it. The ring makes me smile. I no longer look at an empty finger and see the loss of my marriage. I see the beauty that came from it. My kids are what get me through this and that is what I see when I look at the finger where my wedding rings used to be.
So, for now, I see him as the father of my children. That helps me to see the situation from a positive point of view. One day the words “ex husband” will be easier to say. As I experience the healing that I need to in order to get past the grief and the hurt and the anger, I will come to terms with the fact that I am now an ex wife with an ex husband.
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